Go with the Flow

I've learned a lot during this first year of college. I don't necessarily mean in the classroom, because unfortunately I repeated a few high school courses, but I mean I've learned a lot about people.

I truly believe that there is a course to our lives, impossible to resist. And if we notice that life is getting too rough and there are too many obstacles, perhaps we're going the wrong way, and those difficulties are the universe's way of letting us know. For example, when I want something, not just kind of want it, but know that I must accomplish or have this thing, it  happens. I decide that it will happen, and all my actions fall into place. When I am misled or with "the wrong crowd" I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. I know that I am not meant to be somewhere or with someone. I don't know if this is the feeling of intuition, but I feel like it's much stronger than that, as if more like an invisible hand guiding me along. Don't get me wrong, this is by no means "God's hand" or some sort of divine path because I find that faith and reason are enemies, and I am most definitely on the side of reason.

Examples might better explain what I mean. When I first applied for housing at UWM, I was offered a place in the engineering living learning community by multiple advisors, but I thought about how a lot of my friends are reason-minded engineer types. I felt the need to escape that for a while, so I turned down the LLC. After just a week in  the dorm I chose to live in, RiverView, I knew it was too good to be true. My room was beautiful, the privacy wonderful, and the food mediocre, but the people were absolutely awful. There were few, if any, people like me around, and I felt like a snob in that place. I had no interest in being friends with any of those people just upon exchanging a smile or names. I made the best of my time there, but I was losing the little faith I had in humanity with each passing day. I became more and more of a hermit, staying up all night on the internet, and sleeping from 5am to 5pm. On occasion, I wouldn't see daylight. I felt sick, worn down and achy constantly. I worried that I was becoming depressed. It wasn't me, and I knew life shouldn't be that hard.

So I made a change. I made an appointment with my advisor, explaining to her that my grades were wonderful as always, but I felt my well-being deteriorating. I tried, without coming off as arrogant, to explain how the people in RiverView and I were not like-minded beings and that they were, in fact, dumb as hell. She was extremely sympathetic and knew exactly what I needed, and that was to move into the LLC. The mere idea of this sounded like an oasis in the dry desolate landscape that was my happiness.

The next day during chemistry, I mentioned to my friend Ryan that I was moving into the LLC, and to my surprise, he knew people who lived there already. Through these people, I was able to choose between a few possible rooms, and meet my new roommate. Everything flowed as if I didn't have to do a damn thing. One simple action of seeing my advisor and being upfront about how I felt, put me where I am today.

I live quite happily in the engineering LLC with a roommate who has become my friend. As a matter of fact, we get along so well, we're going to live together next year off campus. She thinks the way I do, and so does her boyfriend. We've introduced ideas to one another, discussed known philosophies and reinforced our collective atheism. I feel so at peace and in place. I attempted to resist the advisors in the beginning, only for the universe to direct me right back here.


Another good example comes from just two days ago. The story, however, will begin on the first day of my honors seminar last semester when I met Leopold Smith. He stopped me as I was walking out of Garland Hall to say that we should hang out. I took it as hitting on me, but I hadn't made any friends yet, so I agreed. Later he told me that he stopped me because I sounded smart in class, unlike the other girls, and he liked what I had to say. Anyway, we became close friends, and all of his friends became my close friends, one of them being my other roommate for next semester. Leo and I spoke recently about how my entire social life was based on him stopping me after that class, and he's absolutely right. Such a seemingly miniscule moment has had such an impact on my overall college experience.

And then, just earlier this week, a guy Jay from the dorms invited me to hang out at his buddy Nick's house. I hesitated because I had work to do, but something told me that I really ought to go. I had a good feeling about the energy of that night. Upon arriving at Nick's house, I realized that we were at my friend Byron's house-- because they're roommates! We laughed about the coincidence for some time, and proceeded to drink some coffee and watch a movie. And after a little while, others poured in to the apartment, all friends of mine and Leo's. It was in that instant I realized I was destined to meet these people, be friends with these people. This was the universe's fall back moment if I hadn't decided to hang out with Leo last semester. There's a comfort and camaraderie within this group that makes me feel so welcome and appreciated. It was no mistake that I met these folks.

What I'm discovering is that even though we feel that we have this freedom to do what we want, be who we want, in the end we search for what makes us happy. So if what we think we want ends up making us miserable, we will change what we want in order to find bliss. What I am trying to say is that there is a flow of energy that we can't fight, it may be down to the most finite quantum level which we don't understand, or maybe it's this so-called "soul" that embeds in our flesh, but either way, I say you should go with the flow; it hasn't yet steered me wrong.


Where I was going with this originally was a rant about how I have distanced myself from the negative energy of those who weren't meant to be my friends. They were left behind in RiverView, where they ask God to fix all that is wrong in their lives and continue to make poor decisions. May they find their right mind before it's too late to find their bliss.